Honey, it's the little things........

Well, obviously it's been a while since I last posted. So many things have come and gone and some have come and stayed. I sit here tonight with one prevalent idea in mind.....the little things.

Several years ago I dreamed of becoming a stay-at-home mom. Many times I would find myself in my own little world wondering what it would be like to be a mom who could take my children to school, pick them up, be at parties, participate in the many various activities, and on the list goes....

Today was Cameron's Christmas party at school. With anticipation, I prepared for the fun morning with my dear sweet friend. As we prepared I prayed the children would find joy in the activities we planned. That was evident this morning. I enjoyed being with these sweet kiddos during the party and rekindled my love for the classroom on the other side of the teacher's desk-as a mommy. I loved seeing these children as they were, children, with no expectations other than having fun and enjoying celebrating Christmas and the magic it has to offer. Watching them in their conversations with each other brought joy to my heart since as a teacher oftentimes I saw the fun sides, but it was immediately crushed with the tasks that lay before us.....school, tests, academic expectations, numbers, grades, etc. Yes, all of those things matter, however, if we constantly focus on those "things," we miss the little things. These little things come to me in smiles, laughs, the way my children's eyes glisten when they look to me, the awe in their faces when they see something beautiful, the surprising look on their faces with an unexpected visit from a friend, the pure joy when they see a task completed that they never thought possible, the sweet, peaceful smile at the end of a long day when we say our prayers and exchange hugs and kisses.

One "little thing" that was (at the time) a little frustrating I will admit, was at the end of the Christmas party. My big 8 year old boy was sitting at his desk just coloring along......I bent over to say my goodbyes and try to steal a kiss on the cheek when I saw his sweet blue eyes and fluttering eyelashes look to me and say, "Mom, I don't want you to go." I immediately thought, oh no, what's going on.....

Then he continued on......saying the same thing several more times. I found it to be strange at the time because I have never experienced this, for I was always running from one crazy task to another not even picking up on these "little things." As I pulled away from school, I shared with my friend the sweet fact that our babies really do want us around and sometimes don't even care to hide those feelings. This, my friends, is what I give thanks for today.....that my little boy wants me to be around, hang out, and be there. I know that someday the tables will turn and life will get more complicated, but I can look back and see that it was the "little things" that mattered most.

As we spurred the children along in their bedtime routine I reminded Regan that it's the "little things" that are important not only to us, but to the little ones that follow in our footsteps. It's the ginormous stack of pillows that he wants to show me before bed that he's proud of.......the sweet little things! I pray that when he is grown I will continue to get phone calls celebrating the little things in his adult life.....a mother's dream come true.

change.....it's really ok

Change......it's not always easy even when it's the change for which we have prayed.

I sit here thinking of what all I accomplished this week, or not. You see, my life as a teacher has ceased for now and I have become a stay-at-home-mom.....or my new term: never stays at home mom. At the end of these days sans children (since they are at school), I find myself analyzing my accomplishments and items checked off of my to do list. More often than not I see the heap of items I have not successfully finished......or in my world, even started. Anyone relate to this, or am I nuts?

The days that were chunked into two/three sections are now broken into many sections which are incredibly haphazard when it comes to planning. It's a goal of mine by the end of the holidays to get a decent schedule in place so I can rest easy in the things I have accomplished and at the end of the day say, "Well done, Laura. Whatever didn't get done today can move to tomorrow." And in that, I can be okay and enjoy a less than task driven life. Life is not about portraying a human "doing." I want to be a human "being" and just be......

Be Still......

August creeps in as I type, I take a deep breath and realize that I have never been this calm in August. This August is unlike the past. This August I have been given the gift of enjoying my children and family 100%. School clothes, new backpacks, fresh new pencils, many spiral notebooks to be filled, and the anticipation of a fresh year in school for my babies are the things that are on my mind.

This year I get to be Mommy, Wife, friend, and just me. I am so excited for the new opportunities that await me in this new life for our family. I have gotten a lovely appetizer of this life during these summer months, and I am eager to be immersed even more.

Because of this gift, I have been able to watch my children in a way that I often times miss.....a way that allows me to sit in awe of the creations that God has given Regan and me. These times are precious and I am so blessed to be able to fully focus on the precious moments which include their funny faces, crazy art projects, Lego creations, fun pasta meals in the play kitchen, their amazing way to create an outfit (on their own), the way their eyes sparkle in the sun, their adorable tan lines, and to be re-introduced to their inner personalities. When I get caught up in life and all of the things that I think I have to accomplish, I find that my vision is blurred and I miss out on so much that is before me.

God, thank you for this wonderful opportunity to be still and know........

....a mother's dream for her daughter

I remember as a child....

.....my very first recital rocking my baby doll, Baby Red, in my orange and yellow sequined tutu on the stage in Wichita Falls

.....pictures with two childhood friends...Meredith and Leah in those same orange and yellow tutus

.....ballet recitals in a royal blue leotard, dark brown hair pulled back in the perfect ballerina bun, red lipstick, rosy cheeks, and an arm full of flowers

.....the hot pink and silver sequined suit with matching top hats dancing to "Heaven is a Place on Earth"

.....the black and silver striped horrible one piece leotard with bike shorts....ick and awkward

.....one word.....Caboodles!!!!

.....shiny black patent tap shoes with satin ties

.....perfect pink ballet shoes

.....jazz shoes

.....the nerves on recital day

.....the backstage giggles of us girls

.....an entire day of preparation with cute ballet bags full of the "perfect" makeup, hair products, and other necessities of a performer

.....the shining stage lights that were so bright it kept me from seeing anything but a huge fog in front of me

.....the eight counts in my head so I would not mess up on any part of my dance

As a mom I will remember......

.....preparing for my sweet 3 year old daughter, Claire, to be in her first ballet recital

.....anticipating the arrival of her first ballet recital costume

.....buying the very first pair of ballet shoes

.....looking for the ballerina Barbie to coax her into the studio on those challenging days that she only wanted Mommy

.....loving that she could take ballerina Barbie into the studio and let them "watch" from the wall

.....receiving the sweet ballet bag from her cousin, Katelyn, from her early ballet days

.....nervousness of getting tickets to her first recital

.....anxiety of getting the precious curls brushed out for the "perfect ballet bun"

.....putting makeup on my baby for many hours of fun pictures of her first night on stage of what she thinks is "The Nutcracker" aka...Nutcwaker

.....kisses and hugs to her sweet teachers upon arriving for class each week

.....Claire changing her favorite color from pink to blue due to her sweet blue Cinderella (Cindawella) ballet cosutme

.....knowing that I have always dreamed of having a baby girl to get dolled up for her first year of ballet and first ballet recital

Thank you God for the opportunity to be the mother of a sweet baby girl who loves girly things, all things pink, Princesses, the spotlight of performing, and the idea of being in "The Nutcracker" when it's her first recital. I pray for many more days ahead for her to grow up as a sweet ballerina!

Mother's Day Memories

Mother's Day, to me, is a day to enjoy my little blessings...Cameron and Claire and the gift of motherhood that God has given me. It is also a day to honor my sweet mother and to remember my grandmothers. It is also a day to look to the other women in my life who have influenced me in other ways....but for right now, memories of my Grandmother, Great Aunt and Mom are in the forefront of my mind.

This year was different. It was a Mother's Day that I didn't have a chance to spend with my mom due to my parents being out of town...or state, rather. It was the first Mother's Day that we weren't together. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on the many holidays we've shared over the past 33 years and the celebrations we've had. It was a time for reflection....of my childhood, shopping trips, mother-daughter talks, birthday party planning, cheerleading, prom dress shopping, and our favorite.......trips to see my grandmother and great aunt in Wichita Falls. I get those warm, fuzzy feelings when I think of our weekend trips from Graham to Wichita Falls to see Mama Nell and G.G. These trips always included watching "Days of Our Lives" with Mama Nell at her garden apartment with G.G. sitting and shaking her head in awe that we "actually watched that junk!" We would make numerous trips to Carrows Restaurant and I would watch the three of them drink many cups of coffee in the middle of the day. I couldn't believe they drank that stuff! Ha-now, as an adult, I couldn't imagine a day without it! I would sit there drinking the little white cups of half and half, gross! We also made numerous trips to Albertsons, taking them for a quick pick up of the necessities needed for a few days in their world. I now look back and see where I got my love for chatting with friends in random places. Mama Nell would ALWAYS find a friend to chat with whether it be the store, the bank, the mall, even the hospital. I would stand back, as the disgusted teenager, wondering if she would ever stop talking....just as G.G would. Now, I love that I have that trait of hers. It warms my heart.

Mom and I would always go to the mall and make a fun trip picking up various things I needed, but I couldn't wait to get to the bookstore. Waldenbook's was my favorite stop as a child. Eagerly approaching the children's section, I would go straight toward The Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley Twins series. Mom and I would go our own ways and meet up at the counter with books in hand topped off with a brand new bookmark which adorned a puppy, kitten or some sort of iconic picture of the latest "cool" trend. Once returning to Mama Nell's apartment, I would instantly grab the favorite book out of the green Waldenbook's sack and delve into the words placing myself into the story as a main character alongside the others.

These memories are ones I hold dear to my heart. I pray that I can help Cameron and Claire have these same type of experiences with their Memaw and myself as the years progress. I know I am a better person having had these wonderful women in my life.

I miss Mama Nell and G.G., but know that one day we will reunite and might even be looking for the nearest Carrow's Restaurant inside the Pearly Gates.....with coffee, of course!

Calm and Quiet

Rarely do we have a Saturday morning to sleep in, have a home-cooked breakfast and sit and enjoy the calmness of the day. Most Saturdays begin with my feet hitting the floor and running. This past Saturday, however, was not like most, and I was grateful for the calm and quiet.

Walking to the coffee pot (my morning must), I thought I would sit outside, read and have some quiet time. I found that my days work so much better when I start off like this......(I have to confess....most mornings find me acting like a crazy mom running all over gathering up the day's supplies to make it to bed time.)

After a few quiet minutes alone I heard a little 7 year old (who happens to steal my heart each time I look at him....ok, so maybe not when he's being a stinker-ha), come through the door and want to paint, play, etc. I sat back and watched his creativity unveil and come up with many uses for random objects around the yard. The night before we went to a sweet friend's b-day party and the kids received balloons in addition to the favors. Cameron came outside and creatively placed this balloon's string into the ground to be suspended above the grass swaying in the breeze. I took a picture of it because it seemed to fit the morning.........perfectly. It was so calm and quiet, and the balloon, with the world around it, danced above the ground in a soft, swaying motion. Then I thought of the balloon as one of us........

I want to be like that balloon......peaceful, calm, and quiet with the world still spinning around.

Whew.....

Well, what a week it has been! You know those weeks....I know you do! They begin pretty calm, and gradually one thing after another creeps in, stealing any joy you might have. This describes my week exactly! One thing led to another, and another, and another, etc....you get the point. Then, I had a little quiet voice within me...."God is God, and I am not."

What a wonderful phrase to hear in the midst of the crazy day(s). I have to remind myself of this many times during the days when I get caught up in my many jobs. With teaching, I find myself thinking I can make kids care, that I can console all of their hurts, and be whatever they need at whatever time of the day. I try so hard and many times fall short. I also have to realize that no matter what I do, I am not God. Realizing this gives me a reprieve for the moment and allows me to stop and be in the moment of what I am actually capable of doing.

I also have to practice this in my other "outside work" duties. My second job(s).....mom of two precious kids, wife, CEO of the household, volunteer, daughter, friend, Christian....lead me to sometimes think that I am bigger, greater, and more capable to do things on my own rather than ask for help. This makes absolutely ZERO sense! If I am all of these things, and above all, a child of God, I have to realize that God is God, and I, certainly am not. I can not allow myself to go through the days thinking that I can do everything without God's help, love, and grace. I can't do it alone. I am making a conscious effort each day to realize these things and ask him to guide my steps and lead me in love, grace and faith. It's not easy.....oh my, it's not. Like many have told me, "Progress, not perfection, Laura!"

Until next time......blessings to you!

"Mom, I'm growing up......."

Spring break has come and gone and all we have are the memories that we created ourselves. Although we didn't even get close to the city limits of another town, we did create our own fun. I don't know about any of you, but when it comes to "free time" with no set schedule like we're accustomed to, I get a little anxious. I know it is due to the fact that I have a hard time with "down time." It is hard for me to sit and be still. I believe it is a by product of me not wanting to be alone with "me!" YIKES! If I am constantly running, my brain is task-focused, not me-focused. Is this anything to which you can relate? I anticipated the week with mixed emotions.....what would we do? Zoo, park, playground, movies, grandparents, friends, family, cousins, crafts, Target, United.......oh, the possibilities were endless! Ha!

I will say that we did most of those listed above. Having a week with no schedule, practices, school, work, and appointments was a great lesson for me. The days led themselves to just play out as they would.....with whatever activity was at the forefront of my mind at the time, and I went with it, which would never have happened in the past few years. I was so grateful for the "fly by the seat of my pants" attitude and I think Cameron and Claire enjoyed this attitude as well!

We had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with cousins from both sides of our family and what a blessing it was! One night, while Cameron was packing his suitcase for an overnight adventure with Carter, I was overseeing what he was gathering up, or hoarding, as I like to call it at our house. As he was snatching some legos (because we don't EVER want to be without Legos), I turned to him holding his blanket and asked if he wanted to pack it. (Side note: sometimes he packs this specialty item just so he knows it's with him and doesn't take it out of his bag.) He turns to me and looks over his shoulder while gathering toys and says with the sweetest look on his 7 year old face, "No thanks Mom, I'm growing up."

Well, as most of you mothers would guess, I had tears welling up in my eyes like a tidal wave.....trying to focus to answer him. I said, "Well, sweetie, ok. I know you are growing up, and I am so proud of you, but you have to know that your Mom will always see you as her baby." Cameron then responded with, "That's okay, Mom, you can call me your baby."

Regan was walking through the hallway at this time and I shared with him with a slight hush in my voice. Even Regan had the sweetest look....like, wow, he is growing up to actually say those words.

It's days like these that I sit in awe at the gifts such as the precious moments that we miss if we don't take the time to soak up the words that are exchanged between parent and child. Most of the time it's "hurry, come on, oh my goodness, tie your shoes, we're going to be late, etc......"

I related it to the image of God (the blanket) and us as his children. Often times I find myself thinking that I can do this stuff on my own...Laura Power. However, when it comes down to it, when I give up that false power I can rest, rest in the comfort of God's peace that he offers if we just take hold of the blanket of his love and snuggle up. At least I do know that when Cameron feels comfortable enough at home he will go to his blanket, knowing it's a comfort and not meant to hinder in any way. I pray, as his mom, that he learns to pull out the "blanket" even when he's not home, to be a testimony of God's love.

I will always have that precious look as a snapshot in the life of Cameron in my mind....because I know he is, in fact, growing up much faster than I ever imagined. I know as a child of God he will come back for the snuggle of love!

Change.....

Well.......I have decided after working with the WordPress blog that I didn't really like the structure of it. To be honest, it was hard to use...so I have moved to blogger. It is much easier and faster to use. Sometimes technology kicks me, but I've just decided to kick it and use a much easier way! I will be posting more in the next day.

Until then.....